8ee05999

The Proper Function of Man Is to Live, Not to Exist

Thu, 05 Oct 2023 10:37:57 GMT

The Proper Function of Man Is to Live, Not to Exist

“The proper function of man is to live, not to exist. I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them. I shall use my time.” ~ Jack London

Many of us often get caught up in our daily lives, especially if we’re running the company as a CEO or in the C-Suite positions. Meetings, agendas, investors, and customers all take up time, lots of time.

But what about you?

● Are you living?

● Are you thriving?

● Or are you just surviving?

It takes courage to answer these questions honestly. And if you aren’t living or thriving, and you’re just surviving, know you don’t have to stay there.

After taking an honest assessment of your life, next, ask what’s working well. The trick here is to keep doing more of what’s working in our lives and squeezing out that which isn’t.

Most often, what isn’t working well is that we’re trying to do it alone. We have no one to confide in. We fail to delegate tasks that may be in the areas of our Zone of Excellence––and that may be the biggest problem.

In her article, “How To Get Into The ‘Zone Of Genius’ And Unlock Your Highest Potential,” Brianna Wiest interviewed Gay Hendricks, author of The Big Leap, where he identified four zones of function. He said, “Most successful people are operating in their zone of excellence, in which they are doing things at which they are highly skilled. This zone is ultimately unsatisfying, though, because it does not engage the innate genius of the individual."

This is likely where we are just existing––and that’s sad. We are meant to live and contribute our unique gifts to the world. And here’s Hendricks's suggestion for breaking free of the shackles that prevent us from really living:

“As with any other kind of lasting, meaningful change, commitment is the gateway to the zone of genius. When I work with busy executives, I start by asking them to make a commitment to block out just ten minutes a day in their calendars to devote to cultivating their genius. The ten minutes can involve journaling, meditating, or any number of other activities, just as long as you are focusing on your genius for ten uninterrupted minutes. After you have gotten your ten minutes a day, you’re your routine, then bump it up to fifteen minutes. Ultimately, I want to see people I work with spending 90% of their time in their zone of genius, but you’ve got to start somewhere, and my recommendation is to start with ten minutes a day.”

Now, it’s time to get real with yourself. What is your proper function? Where do you operate in your Zone of Genius? Where are you wasting time in your Zone of Excellence? What changes come to mind when you consider the words of Jack London?

Next, get your calendar out. Block those ten minutes for the next seven days. Then increase that to fifteen the following week. Commit to living your proper function. Let me know how you are doing.

How to Eliminate Blame from Our Lives

Thu, 28 Sep 2023 10:34:58 GMT

How to Eliminate Blame from Our Lives

Image by Gerd Altmann from Pixabay

The superior man blames himself. The inferior man blames others. ~ Don Shula

For many of us, when things go wrong in our lives, we look around to find someone to blame. I know I’ve done that plenty of times––in my relationships with friends and family and in my business. These were not my best moments.

Jack Canfield, the co-founder of Chicken Soup of the Soul and author of The Success Principles, says, “Most of us have been conditioned to blame something outside of ourselves for the parts of our life we don’t like. We blame our parents, our bosses, our friends, our co-workers, our clients, our spouse, the weather, the economy, our astrological chart, our lack of money—anyone or anything we can pin the blame on. We never want to look at where the real problem is—ourselves.”

When we look to others to hold our failures, we miss the opportunity to make changes––to really take the reins of our own lives and create a life worth living––our own. We are wedded to our victimhood. And when we’re victims, we perpetuate our unhappiness.

“The victim mindset dilutes the human potential. By not accepting personal responsibility for our circumstances, we greatly reduce our power to change them,” says Steve Maraboli, author of Unapologetically You: Reflections on Life and the Human Experience .

While at first, it might be difficult to accept 100% responsibility for your own life––the triumphs and the failures, it is the only way to truly live the life you are meant to live––your own.

Now’s the time to take stock of the situations and circumstances where you are clinging to the role of victim.

● Is it your partner’s fault that you are not happy in your relationship?

● Were you passed over for a promotion because of your boss?

● Did you have an accident because the person in front of you stopped abruptly?

● Was it really your recruiting process that hired the wrong person?

Once you’ve identified the areas in your life where you place the blame on others, take a deep breath and forgive yourself. As Canfield says, it’s the way we’ve been conditioned. But we can change our conditioning, and when we do that, we can change our lives.

Next, make amends to anyone you’ve harmed. Take responsibility for the harsh words, forgetting to acknowledge a birthday––whatever it is.

Then––and this is a big one––assess where you are not living to your potential. Be honest with yourself, as difficult as that might be. Write down the vision of what your life would look like if you were living to your highest potential. Then commit to making a change––no matter what it takes and no matter how long it takes––to live your life to its fullest.

As Donna Goddard Waldmeer says, “You can turn every ugly and damaging drama into a genuine blessing by seeing it differently. No one is suffering on purpose. We learn to give up the pleasure we feel in self-righteously blaming others. Healing happens when we see things differently. The question is: do you want suffering or peace? It's that simple.”

Risking Being Seen and Heard

proadAccountId-1002279 — Thu, 21 Sep 2023 10:32:58 GMT

Risking Being Seen and Heard

Photo by Michael Shannon on Unsplash

Risking being seen and heard can be a transformative and empowering experience, allowing us to express ourselves authentically and make a meaningful impact in the world.

Douglas Holladay, the author of Rethinking Success: Eight Essential Practices for Finding Meaning in Work and Life , says, “We need to rediscover and delight in risk. It will enliven us and engender a sense of confidence and wonder…That doesn’t necessarily mean we must take a big ugly leap of some sort. We can develop a habit of risk-taking in small ways. We then taste the benefits and expand our scope of activity.”

Here are some steps you can take to become more visible and influential in your world:

● Embrace vulnerability: Being seen and heard requires vulnerability, as it involves sharing our thoughts, ideas, and emotions openly. Understand that vulnerability is a strength and can lead to deeper connections with others.

● Clarify your message: Before sharing your thoughts or ideas, take the time to clarify what you want to communicate. Reflect on your values, passions, and the message you want to convey. This clarity will help you express yourself more effectively.

● Develop self-confidence: Building self-confidence is crucial for risking being seen and heard. Focus on developing a positive self-image, acknowledging your strengths and accomplishments. Recognize that your voice and perspective are valuable and worthy of being shared.

● Find supportive communities: Surround yourself with individuals who encourage and support your growth. Seek out communities, whether online or offline, where you can connect with like-minded people who appreciate your voice. These communities can provide a safe space to practice expressing yourself.

● Start small and take gradual steps: Begin by expressing yourself in comfortable environments or with trusted individuals. Gradually expand your comfort zone by sharing your thoughts and ideas with larger groups or through public platforms. Each step forward will boost your confidence and resilience.

“One exercise that might be helpful in expanding your risk tolerance would be to think back to something you wanted to do in your youth but didn’t, perhaps out of fear, or you were told you weren’t good enough to try it. For instance, I always wanted to develop my skill in photography and snorkeling,” recommends Bo Parfet, author of The Precipice of Life: Leadership and Personal Growth Insights from a Mountaineer’s Edge. “I’ve embraced both as a way to eradicate that notion of “I can’t.” I’m more alive, fulfilled, and happy when I’ve taken risks and explored different reaches of the earth and depths of myself. I’m not alone.”

● Embrace constructive feedback: Feedback is essential for growth and improvement. Be open to receiving constructive criticism and learn from it. Constructive feedback can help you refine your message and communication style, making you more effective in being seen and heard.

● Practice active listening: Being seen and heard is a reciprocal process. Practice active listening by giving others your full attention and valuing their perspectives. Cultivating a habit of active listening creates an environment where others are more likely to reciprocate and listen to you.

● Persist despite challenges: Risks can involve setbacks and obstacles. Recognize that setbacks are part of the learning process and use them as opportunities for growth. Stay persistent, keep refining your message, and embrace resilience.

Remember, risking being seen and heard is a personal journey, and everyone's path may vary. Embrace your unique voice, be true to yourself, and let your authentic self shine through.

7 Ways Blame Keeps You from Greatness

Thu, 14 Sep 2023 10:30:22 GMT

7 Ways Blame Keeps You from Greatness

Photo by Jacob Bentzinger on Unsplash

There once was a time in my marriage when I thought that we needed counseling because of my wife. I had a whole list of ways she needed to change. It didn’t take long before I realized I was the one in need of a change of perspective. And if I didn’t, I’m pretty sure our marriage would have been in danger of ending.

Blame and a lack of personal responsibility can have significant negative effects on various aspects of our lives. Here are some ways in which these behaviors can impact us:

Stagnation and Lack of Growth: Blaming others and avoiding personal responsibility can hinder personal growth and development. When we consistently shift blame onto external factors or other people, we fail to take a proactive approach to improve ourselves or our circumstances. Growth requires acknowledging our own role in situations, reflecting on our actions, and taking responsibility for our choices and behaviors.

Damaged Relationships: Blame and a lack of personal responsibility strain relationships. When we constantly blame others without acknowledging our own contributions to conflicts or challenges, it creates resentment, erodes trust, and hampers effective communication. It becomes difficult to build and maintain healthy connections when we are unwilling to take responsibility for our actions and their impact on others.

Deterioration of Trust: Blaming others or refusing to take personal responsibility undermines trust. Trust is essential in personal and professional relationships, and without it, relationships suffer. When we consistently shift blame onto others, it sends a message that we are not reliable or trustworthy. Others may perceive us as lacking integrity and may distance themselves from us, further damaging our relationships.

Limited Problem-Solving Skills: Blaming others and avoiding personal responsibility hinders our problem-solving skills. Instead of seeking solutions and taking action, we remain stuck in a cycle of blame and victimhood. This limits our ability to address challenges effectively and find constructive resolutions. Taking personal responsibility allows us to take ownership of our circumstances, develop problem-solving skills, and make positive changes in our lives.

Hindered Personal Wellbeing: Blame and a lack of personal responsibility can negatively impact our overall well-being. When we constantly shift blame onto external factors, we relinquish control over our lives. This can lead to a sense of powerlessness, frustration, and a victim mentality. It becomes difficult to make positive changes, build resilience, and achieve personal fulfillment when we do not take responsibility for our choices, actions, and emotions.

Professional Consequences: In professional settings, blaming others and avoiding personal responsibility can have severe consequences. It can damage our reputation, hinder career growth opportunities, and strain working relationships. Employers value individuals who take ownership of their work, learn from mistakes, and actively seek solutions. By avoiding personal responsibility, we limit our professional growth and hinder our potential for success.

Lack of Personal Empowerment: Blaming others and avoiding personal responsibility disempowers us. It keeps us in a cycle of feeling like victims of circumstances rather than active participants in our own lives. Taking personal responsibility empowers us to make choices aligned with our values, pursue personal goals, and shape our own destinies.

Taking personal responsibility is essential for personal growth, healthy relationships, and overall wellbeing. By acknowledging our role in situations, learning from mistakes, and actively working towards positive change, we can enhance our lives, cultivate healthier connections, and create a sense of empowerment and fulfillment.

Steve Goodier , who wrote, One Minute Can Change a Life, says, “An important decision I made was to resist playing the Blame Game. The day I realized that I am in charge of how I will approach problems in my life, that things will turn out better or worse because of me and nobody else, that was the day I knew I would be a happier and healthier person. And that was the day I knew I could truly build a life that matters.”

How to Reduce Anxiety in Your Life

Thu, 07 Sep 2023 10:27:38 GMT

How to Reduce Anxiety in Your Life

Photo by Nik Shuliahin on Unsplash

There’s a lot to be anxious about these days––the continued presence of covid, predictions of a recession, unrest in our government, and wars around the world. It’s the recipe for sleepless nights––and a concoction to amp up our anxiety.

And if we allow our anxiety to go unchecked, there are numerous physical, emotional, and spiritual ailments.

So how do you know if you have anxiety? According to the National Institute of Health, there are notable symptoms of an anxiety disorder:

● Feeling restless, wound-up, or on edge.

● Being easily fatigued.

● Having difficulty concentrating.

● Being irritable.

● Having headaches, muscle aches, stomachaches, or unexplained pains.

● Difficulty controlling feelings of worry.

● Having sleep problems, such as difficulty falling or staying asleep.

Spiritually, we may feel lost or unable to connect with God. We are likely to feel unsafe in the world.

Unfortunately, our anxiety just doesn’t affect just us. It ripples out in all directions, touching the lives of our families, our friends, our colleagues, and even the strangers on the street––even if we say nothing.

“Most of us tend to think of communication purely in terms of the words, tone, gestures, and facial expressions we use to get our message across,” says Maryanne O'Brien, author of The Elevated Communicator: How to Master Your Style and Strengthen Your Well-Being at Work. “There’s a whole communication system that operates just below our conscious level of awareness that’s always sending and receiving messages between us…Every thought, intention, and emotion carries a frequency that moves through this field of energy. This means that you’re always sending messages to others––messages that you may not even be aware of––that influence how they feel, think, and behave, and visa versa.”

And that’s where we must reclaim our responsibility for how we’re showing up in other people’s lives. Alex Weber, former host of American Ninja Warrior and author of Fail Proof: Become the Unstoppable You, says, “We must stop to think about how we affect the people around us. We have a responsibility to maintain a positive attitude and resilience. We must take care of our energy.”

So if anxiety is casting a dark shadow over your life, it’s time to pause and take care of yourself. Only then will you be able to be a responsible partner, friend, and colleague.

● Journal . Spend a few minutes each morning writing out your feelings. According to Medical News Today, “Writing down one’s thoughts and feelings can be a useful strategy to combat anxiety, reduce stress, and support mental health.”

● Breathe. When we’re anxious, we automatically take shallow breaths.

“Your body automatically goes into a state of emergency the moment you are feeling anxious. Your heart rate and blood pressure rise. This is your body’s way of putting you in the physical state required to literally escape a perceived threat,” says Wim Hof .

“Start practicing breathing from your belly by sighing and just letting the air out of your lungs. This helps relax the tensed-up muscles in the upper part of your body. Next, inhale through your nose, while pushing out your abdomen. After inhaling, pause for a moment and subsequently exhale while pulling your abdomen in. You will notice that you take bigger breaths this way and that you breathe slower. Keep breathing like this for a couple of minutes and your body will already begin to feel more relaxed.”

● Seek out a coach or a counselor. Having someone you trust with whom you can openly share your feelings alleviates the sense that you are alone in the world. You’re not.

Life has always been challenging-–for eons. That’s not about to change. But what can change is your response to the hurdles life throws at you.

When Opportunities Knock

Thu, 31 Aug 2023 10:24:56 GMT

When Opportunities Knock

Photo by Christian Bass on Unsplash

Opportunities often arise when our lives need a change––either one that we see or perhaps one that is brought about by external circumstances. Those that we seek are usually met with eagerness and hope for new possibilities.

Yet, sometimes, life has a way of bringing opportunities to us cloaked in challenges. I remember a time when it was brought to my attention that I was approaching life purely based on logic. I was going through life checking off the boxes but wasn’t looking at how the rigid role I was playing affected all other areas of my life. At first, I resented the disruption, but when I set my ego aside and rose to the 30,000-foot-view, I was able to see that life was giving me new possibilities, rich with meaning rather than just a list of successes.

Whether the opportunity arrives as a gift or a disruption, it’s important to ask a few questions:

● What is the opportunity here?

● How might this opportunity take me off course?

● What is the possibility that this opportunity is an invitation to step more fully into my own greatness?

When we slow down to ponder what the opportunity holds, we’ll know our next right action––as long as we don’t let our fear get in the way. Unfortunately, opportunities frequently trigger resistance. Our egos like to keep us safe, and safe comes with staying with what is known.

According to Steven Pressfield, author of Turning Pro: Tap Your Inner Power and Create Your Life’s Work, “The amateur fears that if he turns pro and lives out his calling, he will have to live up to who he really is and what he is truly capable of.”

That fear feeds our resistance, what Pressfield refers to as the work of the devil. Resistance anchors you to playing a small game. We’re creatures of habit, and we like our comfort. Even if the circumstances such as bad marriage, poor health, and a disagreeable boss are the backdrop for our daily lives, we often choose to stay in what is known. The unknown creates discomfort for most people.

So how do you know if an opportunity is right for you?

Know your values, and make choices that align with them.

We’re meant to evolve in every stage of our life––physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. Now is the time to engage in continuous learning, make necessary changes, and propel your life in the direction that will fill you with hope, passion, and drive to achieve great things.

Reaching for Your Wildest Dreams

Thu, 24 Aug 2023 10:22:37 GMT

Reaching for Your Wildest Dreams

Photo by Charlotte Karlsen on Unsplash

God can do anything, you know—far more than you could ever imagine, guess, or request in your wildest dreams! He does it not by pushing us around but by working within us; his Spirit is deeply and gently within us. ~ Ephesians 3:20

When I was young, I didn’t know how to dream. Life was not ideal. My childhood was fraught with nothing but survival, especially living in foster homes. And as I grew older, my dreams and visions for my future shifted. Some of my dreams came to fruition; others were set aside. The most important discovery I made was that having wild dreams is essential for living a meaningful life. And we’re meant to risk almost anything to follow those dreams.

Take a moment to think about your dreams, perhaps one that was set aside and may need revisiting or one that you’ve pursued. Maybe you have a new dream whispering in your ear, begging for attention. Maybe you have a dream that is so wild and big that it scares you. That type of dream is often one that needs to be pursued––one that evokes fear and excitement all in one breath.

Yet many of us have resistance to pursuing our dreams. There are a number of reasons we resist our dreams, and part of that might have to do with the fear of failure or perhaps fearing the disapproval of a parent or a partner.

Do you have resistance to pursuing these dreams? If so, let me share a few pointers on how to begin:

Believe in yourself . The birth of wild dreams comes from within you. Yes, they are there. To

unleash the possibilities; you will need to believe in yourself. What does that mean? Be o.k. with who you are, right here, right now. Be o.k. with where you are; don't be o.k. with staying where you are. Make sense?

Believe you are worthy. You are worthy. Believe nothing less. We are meant to do God’s work on this earth. He needs you; He needs me; He needs everyone around us. And if He needs us, then we are worthy. You are worthy. Your dreams are God’s whispers, and he’s hoping to spark you into action.

Believe you have what it takes . “I can’t” is often the first thought we have when a dream comes into our awareness. While it is scary to do things that are new or different than what you have done in the past, you can and must do them to achieve your dreams.

Henry Ford said, “One of the greatest discoveries a man makes, one of his great surprises, is to find he can do what he was afraid he couldn’t do.”

Now take a moment. Imagine what your life would be like if you realized that dream. What’s one step you can take in the direction of your dream?

Let me know what action you’ve taken and how it feels.

Are You Stressed? Get Outside!

Thu, 17 Aug 2023 10:16:10 GMT

Are You Stressed? Get Outside!

Photo by Adam Kool on Unsplash

I love hiking and getting out in nature every chance I get. Even if I’m at my desk for hours during the day, I take breaks and step outside for at least a few minutes of sunshine and fresh air. It brings peace to my soul and calm to my mind.

Spending time in nature is crucial for several reasons, as it offers a range of physical, mental, and emotional benefits. Here are some key reasons why it is important to spend time in nature:

Stress Reduction: Nature provides a calming and soothing environment that helps reduce stress levels. Spending time outdoors, away from the hustle and bustle of daily life, allows us to unwind, relax, and rejuvenate. The sights, sounds, and smells of nature have a positive impact on our nervous system, promoting feelings of peace and tranquility. The Japanese have a practice of forest bathing.

According to Sunny Fitzgerald, author of “The Secret to Mindful Travel? A Walk in the Woods , ” “The term emerged in Japan in the 1980s as a physiological and psychological exercise called shinrin-yoku (‘forest bathing’ or ‘taking in the forest atmosphere’). The purpose was twofold: to offer an eco-antidote to tech-boom burnout and to inspire residents to reconnect with and protect the country’s forests.”

Mental Wellbeing: Nature has a positive influence on mental health. Studies have shown that spending time in natural surroundings can reduce symptoms of anxiety and depression and improve overall mood. It helps alleviate mental fatigue and enhances cognitive functioning, attention, and creativity.

“Time spent in nature is the most cost-effective and powerful way to counteract the burnout and sort of depression that we feel when we sit in front of a computer all day,” says Richard Louv, author of The Nature Principle and other books on the importance of connecting with nature.

Physical Health Benefits: Being in nature encourages physical activity and exercise. Walking, hiking, biking, or participating in outdoor sports all contribute to improved cardiovascular health, increased fitness levels, and better overall physical well-being. Exposure to natural sunlight also boosts vitamin D levels, which is essential for bone health and supports the immune system.

Connection and Mindfulness: Nature allows us to disconnect from technology and reconnect with ourselves and the world around us. It provides an opportunity to be fully present, practice mindfulness, and appreciate the beauty and wonders of the natural world. This connection with nature promotes a sense of awe, gratitude, and a broader perspective on life.

Improved Sleep: Spending time in nature, especially during daylight hours, helps regulate our circadian rhythm. Exposure to natural light and fresh air during the day and the absence of artificial light in the evening contribute to better sleep quality and a more restful night.

Environmental Awareness and Conservation: Being in nature fosters a sense of appreciation for the environment and the need to protect it. It deepens our understanding of the interconnectedness of all living beings and inspires a desire to conserve and preserve natural resources for future generations.

Social Connection: Nature provides a space for social interaction and connection with others. Engaging in outdoor activities with friends and family or joining community groups focused on outdoor pursuits can enhance social bonds and promote a sense of belonging.

Restoration and Healing : Nature has a healing effect on our mind, body, and spirit. It can provide solace during times of grief, help alleviate symptoms of certain illnesses, and support overall well-being. Access to green spaces and natural environments has been associated with faster recovery from physical and mental health issues.

Spending time in nature is a valuable and essential aspect of a healthy lifestyle. Whether it's a short walk in a park or an extended adventure in the wilderness, immersing ourselves in the natural world brings numerous benefits and contributes to our overall well-being.

And remember, “Wilderness is not a luxury but a necessity of the human spirit and as vital to our lives as water and good bread.” ~ Edward Abbey, novelist

10 Ways to Create Safety in Relationships

Thu, 10 Aug 2023 10:12:43 GMT

10 Ways to Create Safety in Relationships

Creating safety in relationships is crucial for establishing trust, intimacy, and emotional well-being––in and out of the workplace.

According to The Gottman Institute, When our body and mind experience safety, our social engagement system enables us to collaborate, listen, empathize, and connect, as well as be creative, innovative, and bold in our thinking and ideas. This has positive benefits for our relationships as well as our lives in general.

Here are 10 ways to cultivate safety in your relationships:

Effective Communication: Open and honest communication is vital. Encourage each other to express feelings, thoughts, and concerns without judgment or criticism. Active listening and empathetic responses help create a safe space for open dialogue.
Trust and Reliability: Build trust through consistent actions, keeping promises, and being dependable. Trust is the foundation of safety in any relationship, and it develops over time as you demonstrate your commitment and reliability.
Emotional Support: Offer emotional support to your partner by being understanding, validating their feelings, and providing comfort during difficult times. Show empathy and compassion without minimizing their experiences.
Respect and Boundaries: Respect each other's boundaries, opinions, and personal space. Ensure that your actions and words convey respect for your partner's autonomy, choices, and individuality. Also, ensure that you are being respected. Too often, we act out of fear of displeasing another. Kathy Sparrow, a leadership expert and literary midwife, says, "Differentiating between responsibility and expectations. Responsibilities have agreements and boundaries attached to them. We know what we are to do and when to do it. Expectations, however, keep us wondering if we’ve done “it” right, if we’ve responded correctly, if we need to do more, if a project is complete, etc. The guessing game never brings us peace."
Vulnerability and Non-Judgment: Encourage vulnerability by creating an environment where both partners feel safe to share their deepest fears, desires, and insecurities. Avoid judgment, criticism, or shaming, and respond with empathy and acceptance.
Conflict Resolution: Learn healthy conflict resolution skills, such as active listening, compromise, and finding win-win solutions. Avoid aggressive or passive-aggressive behavior, and strive for constructive dialogue that promotes understanding and resolution.
Consistency and Predictability: Create a stable and consistent relationship environment. Being predictable and reliable in your actions helps establish a sense of safety and security.
Mutual Support and Empowerment: Encourage and support each other's personal growth, aspirations, and goals. Celebrate achievements and provide encouragement during challenging times.
Emotional and Physical Safety: Ensure that the relationship is free from emotional, verbal, or physical abuse. Establish boundaries that promote safety and respect, and address any instances of harm or discomfort immediately.
Quality Time and Intimacy: Spend quality time together, engaging in activities that foster connection and intimacy. Create opportunities for shared experiences, emotional connection, and physical affection.

Remember, creating safety in relationships is an ongoing process that requires effort, empathy, and understanding from both partners. It's important to continuously nurture the relationship and adapt as needed to maintain a secure and trusting bond.

It also requires vulnerability, and as Brene Brown says, “Vulnerability is the birthplace of love, belonging, joy, courage, empathy, accountability, and authenticity.”

How Your Unstable Childhood Sabotages Your Wellbeing

Fri, 28 Jul 2023 10:10:32 GMT

How Your Unstable Childhood Sabotages Your Wellbeing

Image by Esi Grünhagen from Pixabay

Having experienced a tumultuous childhood, I know all too well how negative childhood experiences can haunt us into and through our adulthood––unless we do something about it. In my own case, I was born out of wedlock in Canada, placed into an orphanage, and then adopted by an American couple. My mother died when I was in the fourth grade, and because of my father’s alcoholism, I spent the remainder of my youth either with my grandparents or with family friends.

While some people might never recover from such events and experience lifelong toxic stress, I was determined to make it––no matter what.

There have been numerous studies about Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs). According to “Joining Forces for Children,” the term came about when “In 1998, CDC-Kaiser Permanente published a groundbreaking study that investigated the impact of ACEs on physical and mental health problems in over 17,000 adults. originated in a groundbreaking study conducted in 1995 by the Centers for Disease Control and the Kaiser Permanente health care organization in California.”

Harvard University researchers noted in the document titled, “ACEs and Toxic Stress: Frequently Asked Questions,” that “ACEs” referred to three specific kinds of adversity children faced in the home environment—various forms of physical and emotional abuse, neglect, and household dysfunction. The key findings of dozens of studies using the original ACEs data are: (1) ACEs are quite common, even among a middle-class population: more than two-thirds of the population report experiencing one ACE, and nearly a quarter have experienced three or more. (2) There is a powerful, persistent correlation between the more ACEs experienced and the greater the chance of poor outcomes later in life, including dramatically increased risk of heart disease, diabetes, obesity, depression, substance abuse, smoking, poor academic achievement, time out of work, and early death.

A tough childhood can have various effects on individuals. Let’s explore a little deeper.

Emotional and Psychological Impact: Unstable childhoods can lead to emotional and psychological challenges. Individuals may struggle with low self-esteem, self-worth issues, and difficulty trusting others. They may also be prone to anxiety, depression, and other mental health conditions.
Attachment Issues: Instability in childhood can disrupt the development of secure attachment bonds with caregivers. This may result in difficulties in forming and maintaining healthy relationships in adulthood. Individuals may have problems with intimacy, trust, and establishing healthy boundaries.
Behavioral Patterns: Unstable childhoods can contribute to the development of maladaptive behaviors. These may include impulsivity, aggression, substance abuse, or other forms of self-destructive behavior. Individuals may struggle with emotional regulation and have difficulty managing stress and conflict.
Cognitive Challenges: Childhood instability can have an impact on cognitive development. It may affect the ability to concentrate, learn, and achieve academic success. Individuals may also have challenges with decision-making, problem-solving, and long-term planning.
Physical Health Issues: Chronic stress and instability in childhood can have long-term physical health consequences. These may include a higher risk of developing cardiovascular problems, weakened immune system functioning, and increased susceptibility to various illnesses.
Interpersonal Difficulties: Unstable childhoods can lead to difficulties in forming and maintaining healthy relationships. Individuals may struggle with communication, trust, and establishing secure connections. They may also repeat patterns of instability in their relationships, perpetuating the cycle.
Socioeconomic Challenges: The instability experienced in childhood can have a lasting impact on an individual's socioeconomic status. Limited access to resources, education, and opportunities may contribute to financial struggles and hinder personal and professional growth.

It's important to note that while an unstable childhood can have lasting effects, individuals are resilient and can overcome these challenges with appropriate support, therapy, and personal growth. Seeking therapy or counseling can be beneficial in addressing these effects and working towards healing and developing healthier patterns in adulthood. Coaching can as well.

Is It a Goal or a Distraction?

Fri, 28 Jul 2023 10:07:46 GMT

Is It a Goal or a Distraction?

Photo by Estée Janssens on Unsplash

Distinguishing between a goal and a distraction is crucial for maintaining focus and effectively utilizing your time and energy. Here are some key factors to consider when differentiating between the two:

Clarity of Purpose: A goal is a clearly defined objective that aligns with your values, aspirations, and long-term vision. It has a specific outcome or result you want to achieve. A distraction, on the other hand, is an activity or stimulus that deviates you from your intended path or hinders progress toward your goals. Think shiny object syndrome. To discern whether your attention is being hijacked by a good idea or a goal that aligns with your objectives and values, ask yourself whether the pursuit of something aligns with your overall purpose or if it takes you away from it.
Importance and Priority: Typically, goals have a higher level of importance and priority in your life. They contribute to your personal growth, career advancement, relationships, or overall well-being. Distractions, on the other hand, often provide temporary gratification or amusement but may not contribute significantly to your long-term objectives. Assess the significance and relevance of an activity in relation to your broader goals.
Time and Resource Investment: Dedicated time, effort, and resources are required for anything worth pursing. They involve deliberate planning, strategizing, and consistent action. Distractions, on the contrary, tend to consume your time and resources without contributing to meaningful progress. Consider whether the activity or pursuit demands substantial investment in terms of time, energy, or resources, and evaluate if it aligns with your priorities. Ask yourself, is this worth the investment?
Alignment with Values: Goals often align with your core values, guiding principles, and the things that truly matter to you. They reflect what you consider important and meaningful. Distractions, however, may not resonate with your values and can lead to a sense of dissatisfaction or misalignment. Reflect on whether an activity or pursuit aligns with your values and contributes to your personal growth and fulfillment.
Long-term I mpact: If your goals have a long-term focus and are oriented toward creating lasting positive change or achieving significant milestones, then they may be worth pursuing. Also, determine if these objectives contribute to personal or professional development and have a meaningful impact on your life. Distractions, on the other hand, are often short-term and fleeting, providing momentary satisfaction without substantial long-term benefits. Consider the potential long-term impact of an activity or pursuit on your overall progress and well-being.
Self-awareness and Reflection: Developing self-awareness is crucial for distinguishing between goals and distractions. Regularly reflect on your intentions, motivations, and the consequences of your actions. Assess whether your current activities are aligned with your desired outcomes and whether they support your progress toward your goals.
Slow down: We must take time to pause and reflect upon what we want to accomplish and why. “When we learn to run slower, the outcomes are better across the board: wiser decisions, less stress, greater resilience, improved health, a stronger connection with our emotions and intuition, presence, focus, and clarity of purpose,” says April Rinne, author of Flux: 8 Superpowers for Thriving in Constant Change.

Remember that the distinction between goals and distractions may not always be clear-cut, and it requires self-reflection and ongoing evaluation. It's important to prioritize and allocate your time and resources wisely, focusing on activities that contribute to your growth, wellbeing, and long-term fulfillment.

Why You Need A Mentor

Mon, 01 Aug 2022 10:04:29 GMT

Why You Need A Mentor

Photo by Austin Distel on Unsplash

Mentoring plays a crucial role in personal and professional development, offering a range of benefits for both mentors and mentees. Here are some key reasons why mentoring is important:

Knowledge and Skill Transfer: Mentoring provides a structured framework for transferring knowledge, skills, and experience from a more experienced individual (mentor) to a less experienced individual (mentee). This passing down of expertise helps the mentee gain valuable insights, learn from the mentor's experiences, and develop new skills.
Personal and Professional Growth: Mentoring contributes to personal and professional growth for both mentors and mentees. Mentees receive guidance, feedback, and support in setting and achieving goals, making informed decisions, and navigating challenges. Mentors, on the other hand, gain the opportunity to reflect on their own experiences, enhance their leadership skills, and contribute to the development of others.
Networking and Opportunities: Mentoring relationships often provide access to broader networks and opportunities. Mentees can leverage their mentor's connections, industry knowledge, and resources to expand their own networks and explore new possibilities. Mentors can also benefit from mentees' fresh perspectives and insights, fostering collaboration and innovation.
Increased Self-Confidence: Mentoring can boost the mentee's self-confidence and self-esteem. Through the guidance and encouragement of a mentor, mentees gain a sense of validation, affirmation, and belief in their abilities. This increased self-confidence can lead to higher levels of motivation and a willingness to take on new challenges.
Career Advancement: Mentoring can have a significant impact on career advancement. Mentees receive advice on career planning, skill development, and professional opportunities. Mentors can share their expertise, provide guidance on navigating organizational dynamics, and offer insights into career paths and advancement strategies.
Personal Support and Encouragement: Mentoring relationships often involve a level of personal support and encouragement. Mentors can provide a safe and confidential space for mentees to discuss personal and professional challenges, offering guidance, empathy, and motivation. This emotional support can be invaluable in helping mentees overcome obstacles and build resilience.
Knowledge of Organizational Culture: Mentors can provide mentees with insights into the organizational culture, norms, and unwritten rules. This knowledge helps mentees navigate the workplace more effectively, understand expectations, and adapt to the organizational environment.
Succession Planning and Legacy: Mentoring contributes to succession planning within organizations. As mentors pass on their knowledge and experience to mentees, they help develop the next generation of leaders, ensuring continuity and sustainability. Mentoring also allows mentors to leave a lasting legacy by positively influencing the lives and careers of others.

Mentoring is a reciprocal relationship that benefits both mentors and mentees. It fosters personal growth, professional development, and the establishment of meaningful connections. By sharing knowledge, providing guidance, and offering support, mentors contribute to the success and well-being of their mentees, ultimately creating a positive impact on individuals, organizations, and communities as a whole.

Oprah Winfrey says, "A mentor is someone who allows you to see the hope inside yourself."

Let yourself be seen.

8ee05999

The Proper Function of Man Is to Live, Not to Exist

The Proper Function of Man Is to Live, Not to Exist ﻿

How to Eliminate Blame from Our Lives

How to Eliminate Blame from Our Lives ﻿

Risking Being Seen and Heard

Risking Being Seen and Heard ﻿

7 Ways Blame Keeps You from Greatness

7 Ways Blame Keeps You from Greatness ﻿

How to Reduce Anxiety in Your Life

How to Reduce Anxiety in Your Life

When Opportunities Knock

When Opportunities Knock ﻿

Reaching for Your Wildest Dreams

Reaching for Your Wildest Dreams ﻿

Are You Stressed? Get Outside!

Are You Stressed? Get Outside! ﻿

10 Ways to Create Safety in Relationships

10 Ways to Create Safety in Relationships ﻿

How Your Unstable Childhood Sabotages Your Wellbeing

How Your Unstable Childhood Sabotages Your Wellbeing

Is It a Goal or a Distraction?

Is It a Goal or a Distraction?

Why You Need A Mentor

Why You Need A Mentor

The Proper Function of Man Is to Live, Not to Exist

How to Eliminate Blame from Our Lives

Risking Being Seen and Heard

7 Ways Blame Keeps You from Greatness

When Opportunities Knock

Reaching for Your Wildest Dreams

Are You Stressed? Get Outside!

10 Ways to Create Safety in Relationships